Monday, May 16, 2011

Why so SERIOUS?

You know...  I don't deceive myself by thinking that I'll ever be on any of these shows competing for attention, publicity, or fame, BUT APPARENTLY, a lot of bitch youngsters do! Let me tell you.  It's fun to take skinny hipsters to school!  I hear a lot of "I'm auditioning for American Idol.  I'm gonna be famous!  You better remember my name!"  The Mission used to be more real and less bullshit before all these pseudo intellectual art students with their trust funds, non ironic irony, and crappy art came along.
There will be a routine with back up dancers and a "look" which could be anything everything-I-bought-at-Mission-Thrift-I-wore-tonite kinda schizophrenia to the diva for a nite unshaved pits and no bra with make up that could be described as ecclectic or just crap, more appropriately.  Their voices don't harmonize or even keep on their own notes.  They're your typical group sing-along brand of cunty twats, redundant I know. They STRUT about like peacocks as if they ARE somebody.   Fuck you.   If you're conceited automatically, you fail.  At least if you had TALENT, you could probably fare well.  Since you don't, I will follow with my song, and you will learn.

We regulars have things to work out, or at least, I do!   We're not necessarily here to hook up, but we are looking for like minds to have fun with us. We are not here thinking we'll be discovered and launch a career singing covers of other people's songs. Some of us are strippers, technicians, burners, burlesque dancers, martial artists, motorcycle enthusiasts, bicycle messengers, musicians, writers, actors, bouncers, security guards, waiters, watchmakers, club owners, mechanics, and the list goes on and on!  We have our own lives and interests, thank you very much!

OUR common bond is that we enjoy that little moment in the lime light with a small or large crowd cheering us on and/or singing along soberly or drunkenly having a great time and forgetting for a moment that our lives may have sucked for a time. As my friend, Elle VanNatta, once told me, she had written her entire thesis on karaoke and had addressed the concept of “fake fun.”  Well, we don't fake it 'til we make it here. We MAKE it a good time for all, so if you want to voyeur or you're actually lubricated enough to participate, come on down to your local bar on an off night where karaoke usually takes place (Sunday – Thursday usually) to draw folks in on slow nights and be a rockstar! Because as Roger Niner says, “go epic, or GO HOME!”

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Karaoke Critic: Confessions of a not-so-accidental-karaoke-tourist

Bio: Who do I think I am? What makes me think I am the first and foremost expert or critic on all subjects karaoke bar, club, private rooms, open audience, hotel, home, competitions, and all matters tone deaf? Why would I WANT to put myself up to ridicule, speculation, and debate in the first place? Why not? No one else will! I've been around... a lot, and I just LOVE karaoke! It's entertaining!

It all started out with an innocent spreadsheet. I wanted to keep track of all my favorite spots in the Bay Area. I move quite often, and I visit people in different cities. When I visit, afterwards, guess where I wanna go? You guessed it! I have time tables, uploaded songlists, follow several KJ's whereabouts, events, and happenings all karaoke related because it's fun, and I enjoy it.

At first, I thought I was just another addict. “Crackeoke rocks,” as Glenny Kravitz coined them are what I craved, but then it just wasn't enough. There were karaoke relationships, brawls, threesome offers, and that's when it dawned on me! People come to karaoke to get LAID and meet other people for not only fun, but to hook up!

You see it never crossed my mind NOT ONCE that quality people relationships could be had through connections at bars, clubs, or karaoke EVER. I'm a hardened veteran. I have a bad day. I have to go sing somewhere! IMMEDIATELY. I mean, “there are worse things I could do,” Stockard Channing's character says. I could beat people up. Do drugs. Drink more. I could go to church... nah! I've been there before. It's not as fun & there's not enough booze! :)

I thought, there ought to be a forum for discussion on where to go for certain types of karaoke and their pros and cons. There ought to be top ten lists and bests of criteria! I kicked the idea around. Told a few friends & KJ's about it, and they thought it was brilliant! It started on Facebook, and now I'm here for your perusal. Judge me. I'm used to it! I miss the days when karaoke was uncool, much like Country. Now EVERYONE has the fevah! Join us!