A Good KJ: The Tell

A good karaoke jockey is often hard to find.  There are a lot of hacks out there that think they can bring their home karaoke system to a bar or club.  Then, they plug and play.  This simply is not so.  A lot of this equipment shouldn't be too expensive because drunk people will be abusing it.  You save your REALLY good equipment for home use only or private parties.  You bring your "B" equipment to the bar.  Some KJ's simply will NOT use cordless microphones because people will just walk out with them.  That, or patrons get in that diva zone and drop the mic like they're a real rapper.  It's fun to pretend.  We do it all the time when we sing, but you gotta respect your KJ's equipment.  They often don't get much in tips especially with this younger crowd.  For most people it never dawns on them that tipping a KJ might make them put you up more.  Like a bartender, they take bribes.

What separates a good KJ from a GREAT KJ to me other than an awesome sound system is fairness.  It's hard to corral these drunk people.  KJ's get harassed all the time.  The sure fire way to make SURE you don't get up soon is to hound your KJ about when you're up next.  They don't get any respect because as people always say, "well, it's not like they're doing anything but playing cd's, so what.  They're not even making real music or spinning like a real DJ."  They have never been to karaoke with award winning KJs like Glenny Kravitz & Roger Niner or saxy DJ Purple.  These KJ's take the occupation to a whole new level.  They're definitely not your average passive, quiet, stereotypical cd changing KJ.  They are active jump around, back up vocal, as well as air guitar, and saxophone soloing KJs that will make you look and sound awesome!  They take karaoke and turn it into performance art.

Slowly but surely karaoke has entered the modern age.  Everything can be downloaded online nowadays.  You can store all your music on a laptop instead of lugging around a pallet of equipment.  For a tip, you can have a KJ download a song right on the spot if you really must have it now!  All that software, memory, laptop, back up discs, soundboard, cables, microphones, monitors, and speakers cost!  If a venue doesn't have it's own PA for you to plug into, you must bring your own!  Other KJs still use cds with a library catalog where you must still put a number down not just the artist and song title.

This doesn't include the printing costs of their song books or slips.  Some opt to be more environmentally conscious, economical, and use a clipboard.  The drawback is that clipboard goes for a walk sometimes, and it's hard to find in a dark cavernous bar or club full of demanding drunks.  After all that time and money invested in equipment earning a spot at a bar or club, sometimes the sound quality STILL isn't that great because the acoustics at a the location are just poor.  One such place was Beale Street Annex Bar and Grill with KJ Steve Sladon.  It had really poor sound upstairs with it's plastic corrugated drafty roof.  Alas with the building of the new improved San Francisco Transbay Terminal underway, this place no longer exists and is currently relocating.

Quick turn over and announcing who is up next is very important.  Everyone is selfish.  Everyone is waiting to hear their name.  That's all they care about.  When am I up next???  That's when you know you're hooked.  You can't WAIT for your turn.  A good KJ doesn't linger too long between each song.  He announces the next few singers if it's a packed night to give folks a chance to get back from the bar with their drink unspilled, have a smoke outside, wash their hands before leaving the bathroom, and not have to fight their way through the crowd to get to the mic before they're skipped.  There's one KJ I know that I just simply despise because he just sits there flirting with girls while music plays and no one is singing.  That's not how it's done!  He would let a whole 5 minute song play while working the crowd cruising for chicks.

I was VERY disappointed in Barry-oke on Saturday night at Pandora Karaoke & Bar.  I do recall one show he attended where he witnessed a lively crowd conga dancing in a line that wormed its way all the way around the bar.  He stood there visibly jealous.  No one does that at his shows.  Nobody.  Why?  He sucks.  Putting bumper music in between songs for logner than it takes to announce the next singer and allow them to get up within a minute is negligible and the equivalent of DEAD AIR on the radio or television.  It JUST ISN'T done.  At venues like The Mint on Market and Duboce Streets and Encore Karaoke Lounge on California and Polk Streets, you don't see this type of misuse of time because they are SO busy that's a luxury they just can't afford!  You wanna see an angry mob of selfish people go to either The Mint or Encore on a Friday or Saturday night and see how you fare getting away with that!  The only exception to this rule of course, is Kendoke.  He actually has  DJ Alonso spinning in between his karaoke tracks and singers.  This dynamic duo can be found on Groove Mondays at The Cellar on Sutter and Taylor Streets in the Tenderloin.

Let's review!  Shall we?

KJ Commandments:

Thou shalt have decent equipment
Thou shalt keep the list holy (unless paid a large sum to jump the line of course)
Thou shalt not let "dead air" come to pass

So it is written!  So let it be done!