A Good KJ: The Tell

A good karaoke jockey is often hard to find.  There are a lot of hacks out there that think they can bring their home karaoke system to a bar or club.  Then, they plug and play.  This simply is not so.  A lot of this equipment shouldn't be too expensive because drunk people will be abusing it.  You save your REALLY good equipment for home use only or private parties.  You bring your "B" equipment to the bar.  Some KJ's simply will NOT use cordless microphones because people will just walk out with them.  That, or patrons get in that diva zone and drop the mic like they're a real rapper.  It's fun to pretend.  We do it all the time when we sing, but you gotta respect your KJ's equipment.  They often don't get much in tips especially with this younger crowd.  For most people it never dawns on them that tipping a KJ might make them put you up more.  Like a bartender, they take bribes.

What separates a good KJ from a GREAT KJ to me other than an awesome sound system is fairness.  It's hard to corral these drunk people.  KJ's get harassed all the time.  The sure fire way to make SURE you don't get up soon is to hound your KJ about when you're up next.  They don't get any respect because as people always say, "well, it's not like they're doing anything but playing cd's, so what.  They're not even making real music or spinning like a real DJ."  They have never been to karaoke with award winning KJs like Glenny Kravitz & Roger Niner or saxy DJ Purple.  These KJ's take the occupation to a whole new level.  They're definitely not your average passive, quiet, stereotypical cd changing KJ.  They are active jump around, back up vocal, as well as air guitar, and saxophone soloing KJs that will make you look and sound awesome!  They take karaoke and turn it into performance art.

Slowly but surely karaoke has entered the modern age.  Everything can be downloaded online nowadays.  You can store all your music on a laptop instead of lugging around a pallet of equipment.  For a tip, you can have a KJ download a song right on the spot if you really must have it now!  All that software, memory, laptop, back up discs, soundboard, cables, microphones, monitors, and speakers cost!  If a venue doesn't have it's own PA for you to plug into, you must bring your own!  Other KJs still use cds with a library catalog where you must still put a number down not just the artist and song title.

This doesn't include the printing costs of their song books or slips.  Some opt to be more environmentally conscious, economical, and use a clipboard.  The drawback is that clipboard goes for a walk sometimes, and it's hard to find in a dark cavernous bar or club full of demanding drunks.  After all that time and money invested in equipment earning a spot at a bar or club, sometimes the sound quality STILL isn't that great because the acoustics at a the location are just poor.  One such place was Beale Street Annex Bar and Grill with KJ Steve Sladon.  It had really poor sound upstairs with it's plastic corrugated drafty roof.  Alas with the building of the new improved San Francisco Transbay Terminal underway, this place no longer exists and is currently relocating.

Quick turn over and announcing who is up next is very important.  Everyone is selfish.  Everyone is waiting to hear their name.  That's all they care about.  When am I up next???  That's when you know you're hooked.  You can't WAIT for your turn.  A good KJ doesn't linger too long between each song.  He announces the next few singers if it's a packed night to give folks a chance to get back from the bar with their drink unspilled, have a smoke outside, wash their hands before leaving the bathroom, and not have to fight their way through the crowd to get to the mic before they're skipped.  There's one KJ I know that I just simply despise because he just sits there flirting with girls while music plays and no one is singing.  That's not how it's done!  He would let a whole 5 minute song play while working the crowd cruising for chicks.

I was VERY disappointed in Barry-oke on Saturday night at Pandora Karaoke & Bar.  I do recall one show he attended where he witnessed a lively crowd conga dancing in a line that wormed its way all the way around the bar.  He stood there visibly jealous.  No one does that at his shows.  Nobody.  Why?  He sucks.  Putting bumper music in between songs for logner than it takes to announce the next singer and allow them to get up within a minute is negligible and the equivalent of DEAD AIR on the radio or television.  It JUST ISN'T done.  At venues like The Mint on Market and Duboce Streets and Encore Karaoke Lounge on California and Polk Streets, you don't see this type of misuse of time because they are SO busy that's a luxury they just can't afford!  You wanna see an angry mob of selfish people go to either The Mint or Encore on a Friday or Saturday night and see how you fare getting away with that!  The only exception to this rule of course, is Kendoke.  He actually has  DJ Alonso spinning in between his karaoke tracks and singers.  This dynamic duo can be found on Groove Mondays at The Cellar on Sutter and Taylor Streets in the Tenderloin.

Let's review!  Shall we?

KJ Commandments:

Thou shalt have decent equipment
Thou shalt keep the list holy (unless paid a large sum to jump the line of course)
Thou shalt not let "dead air" come to pass

So it is written!  So let it be done!

Five Reasons You Think You Don’t Like Karaoke.

AUG 3

Posted by Dani

My friends and I do karaoke fairly regularly, usually at least once a week. I find hanging out in bars incredibly boring, but karaoke gives you something to do, something to talk about, and a really good excuse to yell. If there is one thing I really like to do when I get tipsy it is yell, which is much less acceptable in a typical bar setting. So why does everyone seem to think karaoke is a passtime similar to getting dental work done? Well, it is because sometimes it can be. Let me take you on a Journey* into the top 5 reasons you think you don’t like karaoke.

Not you.

*Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’ exemplifies #5

#5 : Over-done Karaoke Standards

Some of these are good, fun songs, and I have even sung them when I was a karaoke noob myself. This might be something that only bothers veterans, but here is a short list of popular songs that get done to death and become karaoke old hat. Including, but not limited to:
+ Bohemian Rhapsody; I know it was in Wayne’s World. I know it is fun to sing; I know Queen rocks. Queen has lots better songs though, srsly.
+ Black Velvet/Fever; if you are a bar skank you might not be able to chemically resist singing one of these. Try though.
+ Love Shack/Summer Nights/Picture; duets are tempting cause your buddy gets to join you, but these duets hurt my heart. You don’t do a good Fred Schneider, okay? No one does.

#4 : Too Long/Repetitive

Be mindful of the time. I personally think there should be a law against songs over 5 minutes but any song is going to seem longer when there is a monitor telling everyone about the 45 measure musical break. Shorter songs leave your audience wanting more, or at least with less time to think about your performance. Time isn’t the only factor: if you can’t think of more than one line of lyrics in a song, that might be because there are very few others. Turns out the only lyrics in I Know What Boys Like are “I know what boys like.” Over and over again.  Repeating the same thing multiple times can make a song seem hours long, as can the song actually BEING too long. That is why the worst thing you can do to yourself is to sing American Pie, trust me.

#3 : Downers

There are a lot of terrible songs in the world that will not be made better by amateurs singing them. But surprisingly there are a lot of pretty good songs in the world that make for awful karaoke. Of course, there is no accounting for taste and you might love Hotel California (even though it is complete shit) but doing it at karaoke has been proven to be no fun for anyone. Avoid the Downer! If a song on the radio ever made you tear up, then don’t inflict it on a room full of people trying to party. Slow, sad songs have their place, they can be beautiful and moving, but without fail they bore the pants off of drunks. Not literally, unfortunately.

#2 : Freestyle

Hopefully you have never had to experience this, but sometimes aspiring rap stars will sign up for a song and then freestyle rap over it. This always turns out the same way, which is boring and annoying. It is usually accompanied by some embarrassing peacocking and/or random shit talk on something, which can be scary depending on how drunk and how white trash the crowd is. There is another less forward way to freestyle, but I think even MORE annoying, it is to egregiously over-sing/add vibrato to the end of every line of the song. Both versions are teeth-grindingly bad and make the singer look like a total jackass.

#1 : Shy Guy

When I tell people that I do karaoke the response is always the same. First, “OH GAWD, DO YOU SING?!?” followed by, “I WOULD HAVE TO BE SOOOO DRUNK TO SING.” Of all the karaoke faux pas I have identified, arguably the hardest to watch is the shy-person-who-thinks-they-are-drunk-enough-to-sing/shy-person-who-is-drunk-enough-to-be-bullied-by-their-asshole-friends-into-singing. These shy guys start confident, but when the music starts and they are on, they suddenly go silent. They might mumble a line here or there, maybe speak up a little around the chorus. Other than that they spend the whole time thinking this works just like the National Anthem, moving their mouths but not actually singing anything. Wastes valuable yelling time if you ask me.

All these things can bring down a night of otherwise super fun, singing, drinking, and ROCKING. Notice that there is nothing on the list about not being a talented singer. This is because talent in singing is the least important factor of good karaoke. The key is to bring the energy and bring the fun! So if you think you don’t like karaoke, you might.  Try avoiding the above and combating them when encountered with energetic fun shit and yelling. Or, turn it around on a group of karaoke downers with what we like to call Asshole Karaoke. If you can’t beat ‘em, SEE HOW THEY LIKE IT.

Karaoke Quest: The Bartender vs. The Critic

I love this bar.  Toby Keith might as well have written about it.  I loved it INTENSELY for a time when I lived on Woodside Road for the last year of my 4 year term in Redwood City. That I discovered it SO LATE in my stay there is my only regret UNTIL now. Sodini's Bar was my haven away from my exboyfriend, Chris. I loathed him. I had a deep burgeoning hatred for the parasite leaching off me because I couldn't get him OUT of my apartment let alone MY LIFE. I digress... Sodini's on El Camino Real and Villa Roma on Woodside Road were my only refuges AWAY from the man who had made me a host and used me for the entire four years we were together. It just took me years of denial to figure it out. I went to karaoke four nights a week at that point. I drank HEAVILY, and I could afford it THEN. My job was stressful, my home life was full of lies and deceits, and I couldn't quit my job or dump my boyfriend because in my mind I needed a pet sitter for our dog, cat, three guinea pigs, and five fish. It's ridiculous. I know.  I had a family to support!  Take my advice.  Children and pets won't make you happy as a couple.  It's just more BAGGAGE that keeps you together longer than necessary.

However, the only good thing that ever came out of this relationship was my fondness and rekindled my love of singing. I had long forsaken church.  Singing hymnals just didn't do it for me anymore.  I needed the applause, and I was always told that applauding in church was disrespectful. They do anyway, but my second grade teacher Ms. Ucelli taught us different. If you've ever read the kid's story of Miss Viola Swamp, you KNOW what she looked like, Ms. Swamp. *shudder* We go to karaoke for acceptance commonality hoping you like what I chose. It's juvenile at it's core really. It's rather innocent and pure in intention. How it has evolved! Robert Carroll is the producer of RCC Productions. His house rig is top notch. The sound is quality and like Lady Eileen from her days at Sodini's, he doesn't have to tote his equipment around. That's his home base. He doesn't have to travel from venue to venue with his equipment slanging karaoke like most do.

Tonight I am determined to stay until I am through!  There is a new bartender that has turned me OFF from MY bar. After all it is MY rediscovery bar, where I learned to love me again, and find the strength to DUMP my baggage. It's where I went THREE nights a week Thursday through Saturday to find relief from working in legal and having an abusive boyfriend. I am going to tell this guy tonight when he comes over to tell me to buy a drink that if he doesn't leave me be, I will write a scathing review of his bar and the nights he bartends on Yelp and Facebook. If he has SUCH a problem with refusing me non service because NOW I just REFUSE to buy a drink out of PRINCIPLE. I will NOT be bullied. He DARED tell me TWICE that karaoke wasn't free. Hahahaha ME, he told ME that. First time he told me that I was still with my last boyfriend.

The only time it isn't free is when you go to Paper Moon in San Bruno and they charge you $25 to just walk in the door or you go to a karaoke places like Pandora in the Tenderloin or Do Re Mi in Japantown to rent a private room with your friends because you're more comfortable singing among your own people and not publicly among the masses - not that there's nothing wrong with that, to each their own. I did that too with my coworkers sometimes, and then I realized why are we paying for this? I'm not shy! Robert has one of the best lists in the Bay Area and NOW he's expanded from CD library to internet database. I anticipate his library growing exponentially and look forward to seeing him again tonight.
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It was a happening crowd tonight!  Two birthdays were celebrated and whomever made the coconut topped cupcakes is AWESOME.  I even KNEW one of the birthday people.  Susan, she's a karaoke regular a tenured veteran.  It's awesome to be back in the old hood again.  The bartender hasn't even APPROACHED me tonight.  Critic one, bartender three.  Yay me!  I wasn't driven out prematurely.  Though I had a backup venue just in case on the way home.  You see... I never lack a place to stop and stretch in this area.  I grew up here!  I'm as LOCAL as it gets!  Robert is a very fair and talented KJ who draws a mixed crowd.  This little dive bar has a special place in my heart for sure.  Can you tell I'm nostalgic.  He hasn't set up his Macbook Pro up yet!  His tip jar was empty all night!  Cheap bastids!

Karaoke Faux Pas: What NOT to do at Karaoke

There are very few protocols in karaoke. There aren't any REAL rules. However there are some unspoken norms that everyone should, but don't always follow. Add alcohol for the courage to sing in the first place and all the politeness and niceties go out the window. Nothing is more irritating or rude than the individuals who do the following: 1.) request a song that was already selected by another singer prior insisting that that's THEIR song demanding they sing it, 2.) submitting too many songs at once - I have been guilty of this MANY times, 3.) grabbing a mic attempting to join a singer who has commenced their song already because you know and love it without being asked, and 4.) finally choosing a song that is SO long and filled with LONG intros, fills, and solos that are over gratuitous that you end up just standing there awkwardly wishing it were over already.

Later I will add an addendum to this with a list of songs regulars of karaoke are SICK of hearing, but what can you do? People are predictable, mainstream and going to sing what they want. I do it too. We can't help it. We can't control people. The best thing to do is pick a song no one has heard in a LONG time, or one that's HARD to find which you've always WANTED to sing, but could never find. Do THAT song instead. Don't sing what you think people want to hear. Sing what YOU want to hear. You are there for yourself no one else.

Karaoke gents and cads

Like any nightlife, karaoke has it's draw of prowlers.  I never really went to karaoke with the intention of picking up, EVER.  The draw for me is a rather obvious and selfish one.  I need the attention.  It satisfies my thirst for that limelight.  It nurtures my inner drama whore who LOVES performing arts and theater.  It also satisfies my soul on a level that I can't even begin to explain.  If I had an argument with my boyfriend, a bad day at work, if frustrated in anyway, I MUST report to the nearest karaoke spot IMMEDIATELY.  It's therapy for me.  I don't need alcohol like most do to gather the courage to grab that mic.

I met my ex boyfriend at karaoke at Sodini's in Redwood City.  He was the first and very likely the LAST guy I'll ever date from karaoke.  We can only have so many prima donnas in one room before someone gets ugly.  Let's not be deceived here.  It's always a competition for approval, applause, and love!  I didn't realize people actually came to karaoke to MEET people.  I was always there for me and me only.  As my friend Luke once commented about me, "it looks like you're in your own world."  I am.  I don't even see any of you.  My blinders are on in that moment, and I'm the song.  The song is me.  I own, feel, breathe every note and lyric.

There are quite a few guys I've met at karaoke that were good, even great, singers and handsome.  One stands out in my mind right now, and his agenda was very clear.  He wanted to get laid as often as possible.  It was very apparent in his body language.  I'm cocky.  I'm hot, and I'm going home with SOMEONE tonight.  I had a serious aversion to this guy because I knew exactly what he was about.  He was attractive, but his attitude and over confidence turned me completely off.  His partner in crime I had met a LONG time ago.  Not only was he a compulsive liar and a creep, he is a stalker and a potential rapist.  Birds of a feather flock together.

There are other karaoke gentlemen who are good looking, sing well, and actually RESPECT women.  They're here to have fun.  They like to see others having fun and want to be a part of it.  If they happen to meet a NOT-so-drunk cute girl unaccompanied by her usual gaggle of cock blocking friends who can sing, or not, that's a bonus!  I never really went to bars where attractive men went.  Most dives that had karaoke for YEARS didn't attract a younger crowd.  It's very typical for me to hear how much people hate karaoke and if there was karaoke at a venue, they wouldn't attend at all.  Karaoke has always been the last refuge the end up point for a drunken group of revellers at the end of the night.

It wasn't until I moved back to the City again, that I noticed the meat market vibe this new "hip" crowd brought to the activity.  I was used to being the prettiest and youngest girl in the dive I sang at three to four times a week.  Anyway, karaoke is always a good place to meet people.  Unlike clubs, you can actually have a conversation.  Unlike JUST another bar night, you have an ice breaker to discuss and lead into conversation, their performance, what song are you singing, you should sing this song, do you know this song, can you sing with me?

I can't guarantee you'll always meet quality people at karaoke, but you'll DEFINITELY meet some regulars, crooners, belters, balladeers among this varied cast of characters and karaoke groupies.  Don't judge them by their performance either.  Some of the best people I know can't sing to save their lives.  Just because they're tone deaf doesn't mean they're a bad people.

Adam Levine developing NBC sitcom about karaoke

By Sean O'Neal August 1, 2011

After a full season of working overtime to wring indulgent laughs out of amateur singing on The Voice, Maroon 5’s Adam Levine—easily the Adam Levine of comedy—will now do the same with a scripted sitcom. Levine will executive produce an ensemble show for NBC that’s set in a karaoke bar, where the everyday lives and loves of a group of people will occasionally be interrupted by impromptu song. Jake Kasdan (Bad Teacher, Walk Hard) is attached to direct from a script by Gene Hong (The Goode Family), a friend and former roommate of Levine’s whose relationship—in either an example of life providing perfect marketing synergy, or a publicist-concocted lie—reportedly began in a karaoke bar. Anyway, apparently all of the networks were interested in their show, and why not? It sounds like the perfect way to mock Glee while also copping some of its success.

The Unicorn: The Search for the Rare and Beautiful Female KJ

There were three such lovely ladies at the now defunct Annie's Social Lounge. It was formerly known as the Cherry Bar. Before that it was known as the infamous Covered Wagon or CW. Maria, Rebby Rae, and the Lovely Eileen with their understudy Amber. They were like the Three Musketeers and D'Artagnan. Now that Annie's is closed, there is only one of them left still slingin' karaoke tracks for the masses.

Eileen still carries the torch for the Amazons of Punk Rock 'n Schlock Karaoke which all began at the original Annie's Lounge on Boardman Place across from the Hall of Justice. She hosts at Deco Lounge on Larkin & Eddy on Tuesdays and Thursdays weekly. Wednesdays she is at Maggie McGarry's on Grant and Green Streets. She's at Bender's Bar at South Van Ness and 19^th Streets on the last Friday of every month also known as Critical Mass. You can catch a glimpse of this crimson haired lass with her leopard print binding and pink covered karaoke books at some of the liveliest sometimes randiest venues.